Season 3

In the Greek philosopher Plato’s seminal work, Republic, the famous allegory of the cave describes a group of people staring at a wall. These cave dwellers concern themselves with nothing except what’s inside the cave and what’s projected onto the wall. As objects pass through the light of a fire, shadows form on the wall and create reality. They never leave the cave to find out what lies beyond, nor realize that the shadows on the wall are not reality but merely a consequence of a larger reality. Philosophers of their time celebrated themselves for reaching out toward the sun, but the cave dwellers were right to stick to what they knew, watching shadow puppets on the wall and chilling by the fire. That sounds better than most outdoor activities. What does this mean? I don’t know, I don’t even think people read this far into the descriptions. You should be watching the video instead of scrolling this far down, truly. It’s Isaiah Rashad the most anticipated guest of this show’s history.

Back at it with ¼ Italian Mac DeMarco. We went for sort of a Godfather pt. II theme with this one. The cigar smoke wafted us into an osteria with every pasta shape you could imagine. Fusilli. Orecchiette. Tagliatelle. You name it. The music just developed organically from there. At some point in this video you may wonder: what the fuck am I watching? That’s a great question but I don’t know the answer. What I do know is that I’m scared because for the first time, my anonymous identity as YouTube description author was almost compromised in this episode. I might as well get ahead of it, so I confess: I’ve been living in the attic of The Cave now for months unbeknownst to Kenny or any guests. I make little meals every day, blow big gas (second hand from downstairs mostly), and I spend weeks at a time writing these YouTube descriptions. It’s my only creative outlet and it’s sacred to me. Rent in Los Angeles is steep as ever, and DOTS only pays me 15k per description. I need to cut costs.

Welcome back to the Cave. I’ve been living in the attic of Kenny’s studio now for several months. I think this is week 15. It’s hard to tell at this point. The days are running together. I’ve been surviving off Yerba Mate and Wingstop leftovers that I occasionally find at night. I make my moves swiftly and strategically, only when I know Kenny won’t be around to see. Sometimes I think he knows I’m up here and is just biding his time, waiting until the perfect moment to strike me with a vintage synthesizer. Occasionally, when he’s downstairs making beats at high volume, I’ll sing to myself or write little raps that no one will ever hear. I have this fantasy where one day I just go down there and he doesn’t trip or anything, just invites me into The Cave for a special guest episode. Wait, he just walked into the studio. I need to lie completely still. I don’t know if he can hear me typing this. Until next time friends, please enjoy Episode 3 of this season, with guest Kenny Mason.

It’s Day 112 of my self-imposed captivity in Kenny’s attic. I’ve become delirious, and I’ve lost at least 20 pounds. I haven’t found much to eat, so I’ve been subsisting on wood shavings and insulation I’ve gathered from the inner walls of the space. One night, I got so hungry that I risked climbing down the ladder into the studio, hoping to find some kind of forgotten Postmates delivery. Unfortunately, when I reached the floor, I stepped on a nail. I had to think fast, I was bleeding profusely and rapidly losing consciousness. I removed my DOTS t-shirt and wrapped it around my wound, tightening it just in time. In that moment I wondered, was that a trap? Had Kenny intended for me to climb down those steps and injure myself? Did he think it could stop me? I laughed to myself. It’s gonna take more than entry level Home Alone tactics to stop me. All I know is this is an act of war. I can't show weakness. I'll have updates next week. Anyways, episode of The Cave, starring Teezo Touchdown.

I’ve been living in the attic of The Cave for as long as I can remember. It’s hard for me to picture life before. While harvesting my daily meal, wood shavings and insulation, I noticed what appeared to be a human-sized oval in the wall. There seemed to be no one else in this space, but there were lampposts glowing in the distance. Then, in the distance, I saw it. A red Tesla Model X. As I approached the vehicle I sensed something’s not right. I looked in the windows and there no was no one in there. Strange. Just as I started to panic, the wing doors of the Tesla lifted. With no other option in sight, I got in the passenger seat. The car started to move on its own. I’m typing to you now having been on this road for at least an hour. In the far distance I see a golden cityscape.Thats where this car is headed. Wish me luck everyone. I don’t know what the future ahead of me holds, but if you don’t hear from me in the next Cave YouTube video description, something terrible happened.

Last time I wrote to you, I had just found a portal in the attic of The Cave and bravely stepped into a strange new world. For the last 55 days, a driverless Tesla has been transporting me down a long and winding road. After 154 days in Kenny’s attic, this all felt like the pinnacle of luxury. Strange how what we withhold from ourselves eventually becomes new to us again. I’ve spent my days listening to the music that came preloaded in the car. It’s mostly Carti leaks and white noise tracks. Today as I write this, I’ve finally arrived. The Tesla came to an unceremonious halt and the wing doors opened. Surrounding me was a massive golden cityThe ground beneath me, the buildings themselves—all solid gold. Then I hear something. It’s...I’m not sure? I know that sound from somewhere. Is that… an 808? I begin to follow the sound, but it’s faint and hard to locate due its low frequency. I can feel it though. As it passes through me my whole body resonates with its vibration.

“Hello?” I ventured. I stepped closer, cautiously. I tried to scream over the noise: “Hello! Uh.... Do you know why I’m here?!?!” All of a sudden the sound diffused into nothingness. It was terrifying. I wasn’t prepared for the silence. Then the figure turned around to face me. He looked exactly like Kenny Beats. “Welcome,” he said. “My bad, was that loud?” Before I could answer, he continued: “I see you’ve met my cat.”

“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out. “For what?” said the 6’7” figure staring back at me. “Staying in the attic,” I said. “The hiding, the lying. Eating all of the insulation in the attic walls. I just really love The Cave YouTube series.” He blinked, then responded “Bro… what the fuck are you talking about?” I rushed to explain myself. “Kenny, I never meant to be there for that long, I just found a life in there that I never knew was possible.” He blinked again. “Who the fuck is Kenny?” he asked, genuinely confused. Now I was confused. “...Who are you?” I asked, dumbfounded. He leaned in toward me and smiled. “Have you ever prayed for inspiration?” “Yes.” “Well, I am the one you prayed to. Every artist that has ever made anything classic or iconic? I blessed them with that spark. Pablo Picasso. Leonardo Da Vinci. Tisakorean. They asked and I answered.” I couldn’t believe it. Standing before me was some kind of demigod.

“What does it mean?” I asked the demigod. “It means it’s already written,” he replied. “I’m not sure I understand. What’s written?” “Everything.” “Who’s playing the keys?” “Exactly who you think.” If I was following correctly, the demigod seemed to be implying that these invisible hands belonged to God. And what we were witnessing was God playing out the entire universe in real time. “Does that mean--” “Yes.” My whole life —past, present, and future— was somehow just a small part of this tapestry being woven by God’s hands on this piano. Nothing I aspired to, nothing I planned, nothing I wanted out of life was really my own doing, I realized.

Attic Chronicles 12/10/21… Hello my readers. Where was I? Oh, right. So I had been flying on the back of the 808 demigod that looked like Kenny Beats with my cat on my shoulder and I had realized that the gigantic, bejeweled piano beneath me was actually the instrument of God.. I had decided in a blind rage to release my grip and drop down thousands of feet to my own death so that I could land on one of the piano keys and alter the nature of existence for all of posterity. It was God’s plan, after all, that led me to Kenny’s attic in the first place. I reached terminal velocity just a few hundred feet before hitting the surface. I confronted my own mortality and accepted it. My body landed on one of the keys. A sound so pure emanated from the piano. I felt my first laugh, my first cry. This moment lasted a lifetime in itself, but I never tired of the sound. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. Then my body exploded and all my bones shattered. Then everything went dark.